A Word of Warning for Angst-Ridden Jerk Offs

Posted: February 24, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings, Viva La Douche

So you’ve decided to go out and have a few with your friends tonight…hey, it’s been a hard week and you’ve worked some long hours…everybody needs a release. That being said, please do not feel the need to turn into an Angst-Ridden Jerk Off (ARJO). It is so unnecessary, and yet so many still feel the need to do it.

Listen dumbass, you should be sitting there enjoying your fine domestic beverage but no, you’ve suddenly got sand in your pants and wanna start a fight with some unsuspecting fellow a few stools down from you. Why I ask? Why? It is clearly beyond me why people want to end a fun night of partying so early…and believe me, my idiotic friend, your night is about to end because I am in no fucking mood for your ARJO behavior.

It is not only the fighting which annoys me and the rest of the happy party goers who surround you. No dumbass, it is a myriad of things — your inappropriate comments, the fact that you high five fellow dumbasses after you make said comments, you looking around pleased as punch that you have gotten several more people to jump on the “jerk off” bandwagon, the fact that you think for one second that your hot waitress is not mocking your ass to anyone who will listen, just the fact that you are breathing at this point.

I work at a bar without security. I like it that way. Less people leave bleeding whether they deserve that fate or not. The downside is that if a problem does arise with an ARJO. I am the one who has to handle it. Now most of the time this isn’t an issue because there aren’t a lot of bars around where you can really let loose. I work at one of them. Nobody wants to be 86ed and be relegated to drinking at the Appleby’s two towns over. However, some peoples’ stupidity simply knows no bounds. And while I will literally let people beat the crap out of each other in the parking lot, I will not have it in the bar.

So, if you are feeling that a “sand in my pants” kinda night is on the horizon, my advice to you is to stay as far away from me as possible because one thing I am not afraid to do is send you home to your mommy and have you tell her you got your ass kicked by a girl.

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