Don’t Waste Your Roofies…

Posted: February 25, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings, Viva La Douche

Okay douchy mc doucherson…this is what I heard you say at the bar…

Douche #1: “Listen dude, we need to step it up…after we buy the next round, we buy two rounds of shots, one after the other…”

Douche #2: “What kinda shots?”

Douche #1: “Jag Bombs.”

Douche #2: “Chicks don’t drink Jager.”

Douche #1: “Those bitches will drink anything if it’s free, and I need a blow job.”

Okay people, sometimes the douche-baggery in bars surprises even me. This day in particular was actually a bit of a shock. I don’t like to be shocked. Seriously, this is the deal…just because you think that you are so high and mighty with your drinking prowess does not mean that this is actually a fact. In this particular instance, it was quite the opposite.

The girls in question were actually friends of mine who drank like it was their job. As do I most of the time. Seriously, if I had a nickel for every dumbass who thought they could drink me under the table…I wouldn’t have had to work in any of the dives I have for the last twenty plus years.

So what I witnessed after this douche bag moment was perhaps one of the finest things I have ever seen. My friends, those heavy drinkin whores…drank those stupid bitches under the table. As a matter of fact, as I happened to be bartending that night…not only did they drink those dumbasses into the fetal position, but then danced for a while, had a snack and then a few more drinks after the bar closed.

Where were the boys who wanted to roofie those girls to oblivion? Yes my friends, they were throwing up in the parking lot.

Sometimes you think you have it all locked down and the girls in your scope are ripe for the picking…sometimes girls travel in packs and are just lulling you into a false sense of security before they so discreetely GO FOR THE THROAT.

Are you the limpy gazelle, my friend….I think you are.

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