Angel Boob vs. Devil Boob in an Alcohol-Induced Frenzy

Posted: March 4, 2011 by VT in Daily Ramblings

I have a red-headed friend who carries a Sharpie with her when she goes out on the town. Why? She gives Sharpie tattoos to anyone interested.

Now you may wonder who the hell would want a Sharpie tattoo from a random stranger in a bar, but this girl is gorgeous … with a big personality, big smile and big boobs.

She has literally had a line of guys waiting for her artistic talents. She smiles and asks them, “What do you want?” And they usually ask for lame, generic symbols like a skull-and-cross-bones or an eagle. (A word of warning, her Sharpie eagles usually look like pigeons.) Some of the sensitive ones ask for a heart with “mom” on the inside.

For this girl, a permanent marker equals a great party experience. It means the night is gonna kick ass.

So one weekend, a bunch of us bitches headed to Sanibel Island, FL for a girls’ trip. We drank a vat a Cosmos. (My English girlfriend The Britch makes the best Cosmos on the planet. Her secret is fresh-squeezed lime juice.) And after several hours, we were pretty shitfaced.

Someone had brought a deck of playing cards with pictures of naked guys. We played a game of “Look-Through-the-Cards-and-Pick-Your-Butt-Boyfriend-and-Then-Pick-Your-Vajayjay-Boyfriend.” (Let’s face it … certain packages are better for certain orifices.) And afterward, the Redhead whipped out her Sharpie insisting on giving everyone a little ink.

To appease her, we all got our tattoos. But then the Redhead disappeared into the other room with the Sharpie. She returned with a sly smile and lifted her shirt.  She had drawn an angel face on one boob and a devil face on the other. To help you envision this incredible event, you should know that the nipples were the noses.

She then grabbed her boobs, pushed them together and proceeded to stage a battle of good versus evil complete with sound effects.

“I will crush you.”

“Never!”

“Feel my wrath!”

“Bring it!”

I laughed until pee ran down my leg.

The Redhead and her Sharpie made me think of our “going out rituals.” Several of my friends have a script that they use whenever they get their drink on. One insists on showing bar patrons her tattoos as proof that she’s an edgy, rocker chick. And she does this EVERY time we’re out.

Okay, I admit I have a few of my own party routines. One is that I pretend I’m on Taxicab Confessions whenever I’m in a cab with friends. I throw out questions like, “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had up your butt?” (The answers I’ve received range from a Ken doll to a glass eye.) My friends now expect this whenever we go bar-hopping, and they insist that I lead the game.

So do you have a ritual when you go out? Do you have a bar trick that you rely on to get the party started? Do you have a friend who puts on the same show every time you’re out and about?

We’d love to hear about ’em! And in the meantime, feel free to try the Redhead’s Sharpie shtick. You might be surprised at the attention you attract.

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Comments
  1. GSpot says:

    THIS lovely entry satisfies all the categories below:

    * Killer Memories!
    * Flattering comments from those who have known you for eons and get/relish your quirks
    * Reminders that we all need to feed our “Signature Drink On” activities once and awhile
    * We LOVE our BFFs in sober and party mode!

  2. divebardiva says:

    I am love love loving this post. Have I met this lovely red head…if not, make it happen I want boob tattoos!

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