Seriously, You Just Puked on My Bar!

Posted: March 7, 2011 by VT in Out-of-Body Fluid Experiences, Viva La Douche

This gem was submitted by Pretty. (And I’ve met her. She’s VERY pretty.)

Okay, so outta the 10 years I’ve served and bartended, I’ve seen a few pukers. Never fun but I guess it comes with the territory… Most of the time, the drunkard can make it to a safe zone.

Best possible safe zone would be the bathroom, and I’m saying right in the toilet, not on the floor next to the toilet! Going down the line to even a garbage can outside. I’ve even seen right back in their cup. Yup, I’ve seen it… But only once have I ever seen right on the FUCKING BAR!

Okay douche bag!! At this point my advice to you is to apologize to everyone around and buy them all drinks — or at least the cute little thing who cleaned up the vomit who was sitting next to your sorry ASS!! And still calls herself your friend…

Throw down a huge tip for the trouble and remove yourself!! Because you know at some point in time, you will wanna come back to this establishment and enjoy another adult beverage, at least this way it might be acceptable!

But instead, you continue to make a bigger ass outta yourself, I know you can barely sink even lower but yet you do… The following are things not to do:

  • DO NOT move to a different spot and act like you don’t know what I am talking about! The vomit was right next to the cocktail that was just poured for you a few minutes before, and not to mention you were seen by a beautiful co-worker spewing the vomit!
  • DO NOT tell me in between your puke hiccups that you’re fine and won’t be puking again this evening! And say to me it’s not a big deal, and that stuff happens all the time. Because NO it doesn’t!
  • DO NOT argue with me about why I will not serve you any longer! Seriously, you just puked on my bar!

To sum it up people, I don’t expect you to be perfect bar patrons. But I do expect you to be respectful and able to control yourself! If you can not control yourself, GO THE FUCK HOME!! And if you can not be respectful, DON’T COME AT ALL!!

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Comments
  1. DJ SEXXX JELLAY says:

    THIS THREAD WILL TAKE ON A LIFE OF ITS OWN, PRETTY! LET ME GO INTO MY ROLODEX OF NOTORIOUS PUKERS AND FIND A FEW GOOD ONES, PLUS SOME OF THE MORE MEMORABLE ITEMS I’VE SEEN LEFT ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

  2. divebardiva says:

    What about the guy who puked his dentures out and then left them? You really do get all the pukers 🙂

    • Vodka Toxic says:

      I’m sorry … what?!!!!? A guy puked out his dentures? OMFG! That’s worse than when I saw a guy eating a grilled cheese at a diner. After he was done, he took out his teeth and licked the cheese off.

      • Pretty says:

        Ah yes the denture puker…good times! I’ll work that one out soon and post it 🙂
        And to Sexxx Jellay, I remember the dance floor night…. that has to be the worst thing that was ever lost at the bar!! We’ll have to get Camel Toe to write something up about that one, she got up close and personal…hahhahaa!!

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