What Happens in the Crapper Can’t Stay There

Posted: March 15, 2011 by VT in Daily Ramblings, Out-of-Body Fluid Experiences

A new contribution from DJ SEXX JELLAY! This is a response to divebardiva’s “Do You Smell Something?” gem.

Alright, this one comes straight from the dark places in my brain that I try to forget, but just can’t. Funny, I can remember shit like this but can’t remember what Mrs Sexxx Jellay told me last week. And I bet it was something important!

Anyway, back at the bar where Diva and I first became friends. I was a bouncer before reclaiming my birthright as the King of all DJ’s, so naturally we (I) saw a ton of stuff that no amount of eye bleach could help take care of.

Friday night, about 10:30, which is fairly early for a bar that closes at two, I and the other bouncer Brian are summoned to the men’s restroom. Brian opened up the door and backed away as fast as he could.

Brian isn’t a small or shy person by any means. But I swear to God, if he would have been able to curl up in the fetal position and suck his thumb, he would have. I then opened the door, and the words out of my mouth was, “I ain’t fuckin’ cleaning that up!”

Again, it’s 10:30 and already we are dealing with this:

  • Normal: 50+ year old man, about 6’1″ and around 260 lbs. Nothing unusual there.
  • Messed Up: On the floor with a trickle of blood from his forehead hitting the tile.
  • Fucked up: One leg in the stall, one leg out of the stall, pants around his ankles. Puke all over the toilet and shit, presumably his, all over the fucking floor like he was trying to make snow angels with it.

The dude is passed out and we can’t get him moved, and the gag reflex starts up every time we open the door to try to get near him.

Long story short; the paramedics and cops are called in with full haz-mat suits to get this guy off the floor and into the ambulance, and I fucking lost at ro-sham-bo and had to grab the mop.

I almost hate you, Drunk-Can’t-Puke-In-The-Toilet-And-Shit-All-Over-The-Floor-Guy! I almost hate you!

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  1. Mr. Parx says:

    RE: Ro-sham-bo

    Did you throw rock?

    Mr. P.

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