Jay Love (aka the Tooth Fairy) Comes to the Rescue

Posted: March 18, 2011 by divebardiva in Out-of-Body Fluid Experiences, Viva La Douche

Okay, this one clearly had to go on the big board! Thank you Pretty for once again entertaining us with another tale of puker woe!

I really do have a great job with decent money and a great schedule. My shifts start at 5 p.m. which usually leaves enough time in a day to sleep off a hangover, if I need to. (Which, after a night with Dive Bar Diva — drinking like it’s our job — can be oh so useful.)

However, 5 o’clock is smack dab in the middle of happy hour. Happy hour can be hectic and a little annoying…. But that’s a different story.

On one particular evening, I get to work, and the bar is hopping. There are 2 creatures sitting at the bar — 2 very unattractive creatures. They were immediately happy to see me, checking me out, making lewd comments. I cannot really blame them because I’m pretty hot… but quickly things turn ugly, and then they carry it over to creepy!!

There are a few things that are getting me through this. One, I know these fucking creepers won’t be here long. (They’re fucking losers and have no money.) Two, it’s happy hour, and I’m going to be happy!! And three, like I said, happy hour can be hectic so I’m keeping busy.

I notice creeper #1 has his head down on the bar. I go over to him and tap my hand on the bar in front of his head and say, “Hey creeper, this isn’t the Super 8 or your mama‘s basement. There’s no sleeping here!!” No response… fucking amateur.

I go looking for creeper #2, hoping he’ll be able to help. I find him on the other end of the bar scaring other customers. I tell him. “Something’s wrong with your friend. You gotta get him outta here.”

In the meantime, my bartending partner for the evening arrives. Jay Love. I absolutely adore Jay Love for many reasons — one of them is his perfect timing on this particular evening. He always takes care of certain things I cannot.

Then, all of sudden, creeper #1 pukes all over the floor next to bar. Creeper #2 is standing there unsure of what to do. It’s 6 o’clock…there are families eating dinner at the tables right behind him. Fucking amateurs.

I tell both of them, “It’s time for you to go!” And they both stumble out of the bar.

Love tells me, “Don’t worry, I’ll handle it” Now you see a glimmer of how awesome he is. A few minutes later Jay Love comes up to me laughing his ass off holding a paper towel with a pair of dentures in it!! Through his laughter he says to me, “I found that guy’s dentures in the puke!!”

So, in this guy’s drunken stupor, creature #1 pukes all over the floor of the bar, and his teeth fall out!! And he leaves. Without his teeth.

Who the fuck leaves without their teeth??

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  1. Vodka Toxic says:

    LMAO! Great post, Pretty! Puking out your dentures … I’m speechless.

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