Karma’s a Bitch…And So Am I

Posted: March 21, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings, Viva La Douche

Okay people, I know that sometimes when we go out and we have a tendency to get a little feisty, that things can spiral out of control rather quickly. The following is a little list of things that are NOT going to make your night end very well.

  1. Throwing beer bottles at customers.
  2. When the lovely waitress calls your ass out on being the asshole that you clearly are…spitting in her face is not a wise choice.
  3. Once you have been politely asked to leave…here is some advice, get your dumbass out of the bar before something really bad happens. Did you do that? No silly bitch, you did not.
  4. You pulled the lovely waitress’s hair, threw a punch, kicked her and started a melee. By doing this, I was forced to leave my happy cocoon behind the bar and try to calm your ass down.
  5. Then ya just plain fucked up. As we were trying to get you out the door, ya kicked me…like a child by the way (you might wanna think about hitting the gym on the nights you are not starring as a drunken douche at the bar).
  6. I was then forced to choke your ass out until you calmed down…at which point your boyfriend (apparently douches attract) who thought it was funny that you were making an enormous ass of yourself…tried to get an arm around my throat. Another mistake for you idiots.
  7. As you were dragged out screaming by one of the lovely customers, I assured you that if you ever returned I would beat you to death. And at the time, I am quite sure I meant it.
  8. But no…your asshole behavior apparently knows no bounds, and you tried to punch the driver of our “Bus of Love” sober van. Thankfully, someone who should be embarassed to be your friend, tackled your ass before someone else was forced to hand it to you.
  9. Sadly, you left without your Coach purse — and everything in it — and it was never found.

Like I said, Karma’s a bitch.

Enter your email at the bottom of the home page! It’s just good karma. 

Comments
  1. DJ SEXXX JELLAY says:

    YEAH, THAT MUTHERFUCKER MADE ME QUITE MY SET EARLY! THAT WASN’T THE ONLY DOUCHEBAG MOMENT OF THE NIGHT…I HAD THAT ONE DUDE ASK FOR FUCKING PINK FLOYD WHEN EVERYONE WAS ON THE FLOOR.
    DOUCEMcGEE, AND YOUR CHICKENHEAD GIRLFRIEND, DO YOU NOT KNOW DJ RULE #1?
    DJSJ

  2. 5 dog fabulous says:

    I would not have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. Let’s also add it was 1:40 five minutes to last call. Really douche you couldn’t keep your composure for five more minutes, and end your night gracefully? Guess not! Oh and to this same douche, when your 22 and you get carded don’t act all exasperated like I have misjudged your age by many many years…..your a douche across the board, DON’T come back now ya hear!

  3. Vodka Toxic says:

    I could use a new Coach purse. 😉

  4. bOObalicious says:

    So I have to play advocate… since you know I’m the Diet Coke of EVIL and all… but you called it… “Okay peeps here’s the deal: Tonight is a big one…the moon is full and closer to the earth than it has been in hundreds of years…lunar cycles affect water and we are mostly H2O. The shit is gonna get crazy so I thought I would post a little something to tide ya’ll over since I am quite sure that tomorrow I will be sleeping until it’s work time.” remember that??? LOL but I think it was a little more than crazy… that bitch was psycho!!! I’m sad I missed all the action and didn’t get in the middle but kinda glad I grounded myself to the back room and stayed oblivious to anything else going on except for the blurbs I would see when I came to get a shiny thing to keep me in this oblivious state… and that’s all thanks to the one who pissed me off before I even got in the damn door… god I hate people some days………….

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