Atlanta Hotspot Avec Hotties (and a Breakfast Quesadilla)

Okay people, let’s talk about my first stop in Atlanta!

After getting up at 2 a.m., leaving the house at 3 and hitting the aero puerto for a full body scan at 4 (and yes I am still talkin a.m. here)…I am on my way to Hotlanta. As a sidenote, however, I must say two things:

1. The nice man who checked my ID at the airport that had his ears pinned like Spock from Star Trek did not quite inspire confidence in my complete safety.
2. Anybody who bitches about a full body scan is a pain in my ass! All I have to say is, if you are worried about looking fat then stop super sizing the number three at McDonalds because the rest of us who lost friends in 9/11 are more than happy to not be riding a plane with murderers.

So anyhow, I tried taking a little catnap the night before the flight but to no avail. This body is used to hitting the sack after 2 a.m. — not rising and shining at it. 

The flight left a bit to be desired, coming in the form of a very fast drop where screaming passengers awakened my from my Dramamine- and Valium-induced stupor. When the pilot comes on to tell us to tighten our seatbelts as tight as they will go, I’m thinking that I’m totally justified in my vehement dislike of flying. Thankfully, we touched down in Atlanta shortly thereafter.

After making myself somewhat presentable in the airport bathroom and heading to MARTA (Atlanta’s public transport system), I jumped on a train with the assistance of a homeless dude who I gladly paid a dollar for travel info. He pointed to the bus I should take and informed me that I could use my train ticket and transfer for free. Off I went to one of Vodka Toxic and my favorite old haunts, R Thomas Deluxe Grill!

You see, it’s a 24-hour place and as it was just 10 a.m. — and I wasn’t due to be picked up till 1 or 2 –I needed somewhere with good food and an equally good mimosa. R Thomas fit the bill perfectly.

Miss Toxic and I used to frequent R Thomas during our Atlanta club days. Some of our readers may not recognize the need for such an establishment living in a land where bars close by midnight –and that also serve pizza to soak up the unbelievable amounts of alcohol you have consumed during the course of an evening.

Well my friends, let me tell you something, when bars are open till 4 a.m., and there are also a bevy of places with  “private club” status, meaning they can stay open and serve booze till the end of time…you need something after those shenanigans and I am not talkin White Castle. What you need is delicious fare that performs two important roles for the drunkard.

1. Satisfy the urge for a damn good meal in a non-judgemental environment for your drunky-pants ass.
2. Soak up the copious amounts of alcohol consumed during your several hours of auditioning to be a Solid Gold Dancer. All those dance moves can only burn off so much.

Well, as far a good food and non-judgy atmosphere goes, R Thomas is the best. They have a breakfast quesadilla with home fries that is TO DIE FOR. They also used to have this fantastic grilled cheese with portabella mushrooms and bacon. I asked my adorable waiter if they still served it, and he said no but they would be happy to make it for me.

A cute boy with tattoos that wants to make me happy?  Clearly, one more check in the plus column for the place.

Another plus is that although they do not have a full bar, they do serve beer, wine and a mimosa the size of your head. (As far as heads go mine is peanut-like in stature rather than an orange on a toothpick.) Imagine my surprise when I held it up to my head and lo and behold…same size.

Another little tidbit I like is the fact that it is dining Bedouin style. The whole restaurant is a tent, or maybe three tents. there are lots of colors, lamps and these crazy-ass hippie beaded curtains like the stoners always had in their basements. (And by stoners, once again, I clearly mean me.)

They always have this great music floating through the place. The sound is tempered with little tweets and cooing coming from the amazing array of birds outside the perimeter and in the restaurant.

I absolutely adore the fact that you have to walk through the kitchen to get to the bathroom. The bathroom is small and mirrored from floor to ceiling. However, they’ve painted little murals all over the walls so you don’t have to watch yourself pee from every possible angle.

They even have mirrors on the ceiling which at first made me think, “I’m at a motel with a bed that accepts quarters.” But add crown moulding and good lighting, and it really works. Trust me when I say that good bathroom lighting is critical in a 24-hour place. NO ONE wants to see what a mess they truly are at 4:45 in the morning.

Another selling point is yet another cute waiter who is on his tables like a duck on a junebug and has taught one of the birds inside to sing to him – maybe it’s the head-sized mimosas but that is pretty damn cool.

You see people, I am damn sick of all these corporate, cookie-cutter places — people with money putting up one generic hell hole after another. For god’s sake, let’s have tents and birds and hippie curtains, great food, no flair and a flower garden out front even though they are located on one of the busiest thoroughfares in Atlanta. Let’s have cute waiters in jeans with tattoos that serve peanut-head sized mimosas.

Let’s have that shall we? Let’s just have that!

So, needless to say, it was totally worth the dollar I paid that nice homeless guy who told me which bus to take. My friends, if you find yourself a little drunk and unruly in the great town of Atlanta…Bar Trash highly recommends R Thomas Deluxe Grill. (www.rthomasdeluxegrill.net)

Oh yeah, a couple of additional points:

• R Thomas has some really healthy food. Their menu is huge and includes smoothies and tons of organic and vegan items. It’s really good and good for you. I know it doesn’t really sound like me but I thought I should mention it nonetheless.
• They have Sugar In The Raw and Celtic Salt on all of the tables…Vodka Toxic has been know to pocket a packet of the sugar (or two or three) to use at less civilized coffee shops throughout her day.

More tales from the ATL to come!

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