Posted: April 16, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings

Okay people, here is the deal for today. I have spent the last few days trying to procure myself a little thing called an ipad so Vodka Toxic and I can blog and create memories even though we live too damn far away from each other. The new ipads have a handy little thing called a camera and something called ‘face time’. I don’t know if Steve Jobs had drinking in bars together with 9 states in between us, as a plan when he was devising said product, however, that is what we are using it for.

Whilst out and about trying to get the ever elusive ipad I ran into some people who reminded me that service industry folk aren’t the only people who are bombarded with ill mannered dillweeds. Now the first stop on my quest was the Apple Store. I love the Apple Store and have bought all of my many Apple accouterments there and will continue to do so. On this day however, I was to be disappointed. They only had the $700 model which although I have champagne tastes, my budget is clearly beer, and not even the pricey stuff.

So off I went to Best Buy to see what they had and trade in my Chernobyl phone (I call it that because it gets so hot it burns my face and I have to put it on speaker to hold a conversation on it.) for a cute new Blackberry. Of course they are out of the one that I want and have to get a different model. Normally this would have been enough reason to freak the hell out but, I am not a dillweed so there ya go.

My fantastic sales people Cornelius and Pete Rose…and no I am not fucking kidding you…were fantastic and quite surprised at my non-douchy demeanor. It reminded me of when I worked retail in Atlanta. If memory serves it was the exact reason I started working in bars because at least my bar dumbasses have alcohol to blame for their behavior. In retail, it’s just straight up jackass…no chaser. I thought we would do a little comparison and see what you think.

1. Guy comes into the bar and has several Jack and Cokes. Jack and Coke makes guy want to start a fight with Jesus. I eventually have to cut guy off. Guy crushes glass in his hand cutting the shit out of himself.

2. Lady comes in and tries to return jacket. As jacket has been worn and has no tags, lady can only receive store credit. Lady pitches a bitch in front of her children and screams obscenities. I do not relent and politely tell her that this is policy as stated in several areas of the store and clearly printed on her receipt. Lady tells me to fuck off (again in front of her children) and hits me with the coat cutting my cheek with the zipper. Lady is forcibly removed by mall security.

So, drunk guy injures himself and acts like an ass after four or five Jack and Cokes. Lady injures me and has no one to blame but herself for being an ass.

1. Normally nice guy has had waaaayyyy too much to drink and starts to get a little feisty. He tells several people to go to hell and adopts generally surly manner. He is cut off and asked to leave. After several more ‘go to hells’ his ride arrives and he leaves without another word.

2. Guy at the airport shows up one minute before his flight is due to depart. He is angry that the doors are closed and he has missed his flight. He screams repeated obscenities at the gate keeper and starts to threaten her and demands the money for his flight back. It clearly states on all of his documents to arrive 1.5 hours early. It clearly states the flight will board 45 prior to flight time. It clearly states that if you are not available as the flight boards your seat will be forfeited. Period and end of discussion. And by the way dillweed, she doesn’t run the show she just stands at the frickin gate that you couldn’t be bothered to get to in a timely fashion.

So that’s it people. Sometimes you can blame it on the alcohol. Sometimes you’re just an asshole, no ifs, ands, or buts.

  1. Mr. Parx says:

    Bill Gates?

    • divebardiva says:

      Shit…Steve Jobs…I get my ridiculously rich guys confused…

      • Mr. Parx says:

        That’s why you’re still not a kept woman. Sent from my crappity IPad with no camera or Flash capability. Steve Jobs can eat my socks.

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