When You’re Not Sure “Wha Happen” the Night Before

Posted: April 18, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings

Okay people, this post was inspired by two of our loyal readers: One of whom is among my favorite people EVER, who we will call Irish. And the other from one of the sexiest boys I know, who I will name Hookah (since that’s how we were rollin the last time I saw him).

This is what occurs when you wake up after a night of overindulgence, look around in confusion and mumble, “Wha Happen?”

Example #1

The first story is about my good friend Irish and his lovely girlfriend. Being the great Irish family that they are, the Irish’s are BIG on celebration.

When we were roommates, I would wake up every Sunday to the sound of Irish’s whole family sitting around our dining room table drinking beer and talking about fishing and a myriad of other subjects. I loved Sundays at our place and will always have the fondest of memories of that time in my life.

However, living with Irish also had its challenges. He had a tendency to push the limits of alcohol consumption. When he did so, he liked to take a tub when he arrived home. Yes, I said a tub. The problem arose when he forgot to turn off the faucet or locked himself in the bathroom and simply passed out lying in a huge pool of water.

He also liked to have someone (aka me) put a bucket next to his bed (just in case) and then sit with him until he fell asleep. Usually the day after such shenanigans, we spent some time reenacting the previous night’s events putting the pieces together and having a good laugh.

As you can imagine, Irish came by all of this quite naturally. And his family, to put it lightly, are a fun bunch to be around. So the last time I saw him, he felt the need to regale me with this little tale.

You see, Irish and his GF had gone home to spend a lovely Thanksgiving (my favorite of the drinking holidays, btw) with the family. After a night of drinking and merriment, Irish woke up with a larger-than-usual hangover.

He walked into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and made the mistake of looking in the mirror. Irish barely recognized the face staring back at him. He had a black eye, a huge cut on his forehead, multiple facial contusions and a bit of a fat lip.

Irish ran panicked to his GF and woke her from her alcohol-induced slumber to ask, “Wha Happen?” 

Groggily, she asks what he means. He waves his hands manically in front of the train wreck that used to be his face and said “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?!”

Girlie friend — having spent more than enough time with Irish to no longer be the least bit surprised by his behavior — simply says “I don’t know, but we took pictures.” Then she immediately falls back asleep.

Irish races to the living room, finds the camera and starts flipping through the pictures (ala The Hangover) trying to recreate the night. There are dozens of pictures of people posing with his unconscious self. Not only of girlie friend but every single one of his family members. They’re all laughing and pointing at him, having the time of their lives.

Again, he has to ask himself…”Wha happen?”

Well, this is the gist. (Irish had to call multiple family members before he could piece the story together.) His family has two rocking chairs in the living room. Drunk Irish walked over to grab something, tripped over the dog bed and crashed face-first into the chairs, rendering him unconscious.

So, you might be asking, what’s a family to do in this situation? Call an ambulance? Pick him up off the floor and take him to the ER? While those all sound like good plans, a great plan consists of making sure he is breathing, having a photoshoot to document the comedic tragedy and then keep on drinkin.

I have to say that I probably would have done the same, had I actually been there.

Example #2

Now “Wha Happen?” story number two all starts out at happy hour. Here at Bar Trash quite a few of our stories involve happy hour, or happy hours as I like to call them.

Well, Miss Toxic tells me that there is a local dive bar where she is pretty sure the bartender secretly hates them and is trying to kill them all via liver failure. Needless to say, happy hours at this little slice of heaven can be a little brutal. Definitely not for amateurs.

Sometimes when you’re a professional, you have to know when it’s time to call it a night. Sometimes when you’re a professional, you have to know that it’s better to sleep in your car instead of driving home.

So one night, after many Jaegar-filled hours at this dive, our friend Hookah — being the very smart boy that he is — decides it’s safest and smartest to take a little siesta in the car rather than head home. He climbs in his car and goes right to sleep.

But after a few hours of happy slumber, Hookah is very rudely awakened by an intoxicated woman beating on the window of his car. “Get the fuck outta the car!”

He groggily stares at her thinking, “Who the hell are you to tell me to get out of my car?”

Well, high drama erupts in the parking lot as Hookah exits the car. The woman is screaming at Hookah to get out of her car. Hookah, running out of patience, starts screaming back.

“It’s my car!”

“It is not your car!”

“Yes, it is! I got the keys right here!”

“It’s my car!”

“No it’s not, you crazy lady.”

“Yes it is, asshole!”

And so on.

As the staff walks by, also leaving for the night, one of the bartenders (the one trying to kill my friends) looks at Hookah.

Bartender: “Man, what kinda car do you drive?”

Hookah: “A Mustang.”

Bartender: “Dude, that’s a Camaro.”

At that point, Hookah knew he was in the wrong. All he could do was look around and wonder, “Wha Happen?”

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Comments
  1. Pretty says:

    Love it!! The first one sounds alittle bit like Happy Corner 🙂

  2. 5 dog fabulous says:

    Inspired by 3 people, after all we all know I made the phrase Wha Happen what it is today!!! ha ha

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