3 Wiseman…Not So Wise…

Posted: May 10, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings, Out-of-Body Fluid Experiences

Okay people, here is yet another story of birthday shenanigans from none other than…one of our favorite contributers, one of my favorite people and bartenders…Pretty. It’s a lovely story of true love, burgeoning romance and…wait for it…vomit! It’s proof that sometimes true love does happen in a dive bar.

Enjoy and please guilt all of your friends and co-workers to go to the bottom of this page and sign up for Bar Trash!

It was a Wednesday evening at the best bar in Clown Town. (Unfortunately, it no longer has a closing time 
or an opening time for that matter.) This would be the bar at which at I served and got my first 
bartending gig. Also, the very bar where I've met a ton of friends -- divebardiva being one of them -- and my 
amazing husband. This particular evening, I ended my shift around 10pm. 

This guy I was seeing for all of a month and a half was there with a few of his friends. At this point, 
we're not even calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend -- and it's amazing we even got there after what 
happened this night.

So of course, I sit down and have a few drinks with these cats. At midnight, it was officially my birthday! 
My 22nd birthday. I hadn't planned any crazy antics but thought I'd have a few drinks. Was I ever wrong...

We were chatting and having a few beers, and most likely a couple shots. At this point in my life, I 
had done a little drinking and a few other things. I would say I could handle my alcohol. But I wouldn't call 
myself a professional yet. ;) 

My future boyfriend's friend ordered some birthday shots. The not-so-nice birthday shots. The friend has quite 
a few nicknames -- and I am unsure of why or how he got these -- but for this little story I'll call him 
Brother D. Not everyone gets along with him, but over the years Brother D and I have become good friends. 
He is usually a nice guy. However, like most guys, he can be a DICK!!

So the shots come, and it's the 3 Wiseman: Jim Beam, Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels. Sometimes the bartender 
will put them all in one lowball, which is the nice way to do it. It then equals up to a little over a shot. 
This night, the bartender (I'll call her T for short) made it in 3 separate shots! Painful!
So me, hanging with the guys, doesn't want to be a pussy. Let me say that on more then one occasion, I've got bigger balls 
than most men! So of course I take them like a champ. 

Not long after, it wasn't sitting so well in my little tummy, and I mad a dash for the ladies room. Brother D 
was on to what was gonna happen, and he held me outside the ladies room and says, "Oh no no, you're not puking 
that up!" ASS!

I'm pretty sure if I would of taken care of business, things wouldn't have gotten so bad. That 
is the last thing I remember. The rest of the story are other peoples' versions of what happened...

Shortly after this last move, I was unable to hold the puke back and ended up in the bar bathroom puking my 
guts out! Give me props for making it to the bathroom and (mostly) in the toilet. I guess I puked a little on 
my shirt so the famous Brother D gives me his wife beater. So there's little me, in a too big wife beater with 
a black bra and my work pants. 

Thank god it's closing time. I go say goodbye to T the bartender. In the process of waving like a fool, I fall over like 
a domino unable to get up. So my futere bf comes over picks me up. He throws me over his shoulder and carries me to 
his truck. While putting me in the vehicle, my head hits the top of the door. But I'm in. I quickly pass out on 
his lap. I should mention at this point that he had just gotten the truck 2 weeks earlier. 

My future man and Brother D, decide to take the backroads home. Then they decide to do a little
offroad driving, definitely NOT a good idea! While doing shitty's in a field, my future bf 
feels something wet on his lap. He looks down, and I'm passed out puking all over him and his new truck!! 
(In my defense, it was probably the driving that got me sick. Right?)

He stops and pulls me out and holds me up while I continue to puke. Then, his stand-up-friend Brother D says,
"leave her here." What a guy! But my future bf says he can't just leave me out there (obviously)!
We finally make it back to his place, and he gets me inside the house. 

In the morning, the phone is ringing and my future bf asks, "Where's the phone?" Not quite yet awake, I reply, "It's 
by the bar." He laughs and says, "Baby we're not at the bar!"

I wake up with a pounding headache, and he fills in my blanks from the night before. I'm feeling like a total ass
and he's being absolutely wonderful about everything!

He soon turned into my boyfriend, and then my husband, and then father of my two beautiful boys!! And I'm 
still amazed by how wonderful he is!
  1. Vodka Toxic says:

    Nice entry, Pretty! Thank you! I haven’t met your hubby. But from everything the divebardiva tells me, he’s a pretty awesome guy. And he’s VERY lucky to have you. 🙂

  2. Pretty says:

    Thanks baby! It’s been a long road and were not done driving… xoxo

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