Douche Adjacent…

Posted: May 11, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings

Okay people here’s the deal…I heard from a friend of mine this little story that made me wanna hurt people, and I thought I would pass it on.

So, nice guy walking out of the bathroom at a bar in Big Lake…douchebag comes up and pushes him from behind saying “Get outta my way, n—–” Yes, the notorious N-word.

I have to say first off that I despise this filthy word. Much like any other word that demeans someone because of their race, gender, religion, sexual orientation or economic class. They are are hateful and horrible and usually only uttered by small-minded assholes who have nothing more going for them.

I believe in two very wise men: One, Jesus whose message was I am pretty sure…”Don’t be a dick!” And the lovely George Carlin who said, “Why hate people for color or religion when you can easily just hate them for being an asshole.”

This is how I feel all of the time. Why discriminate about something that you clearly have no knowledge. Just be pissed that they’re an asshole…period.

Which brings me to today’s post. Are you going out drinking with someone who is a douche and approving of their behavior by not saying anything? If so my friend, you are a douche adjacent. And…it ain’t pretty.

Now I have a friend who was a vegetarian. And while I am not on the “no-animal bus,” I respect her decisions. When you’re going out to eat with someone, and the restaurant has a vegetarian menu…kudos. However, when you’re on a 9-hour road trip and and the veg friend has to ask at every fucking truck stop and road side restaurant if there is beef stock or whathaveyou in every damn thing on the menu…not cool.

I mean really, you drink milk, eat eggs and cheese…so fine, you’re no vegan…but, you also eat fish and chicken. Can we just call you a non-cow-or-pig eater and call it a fuckin day?

I also know a few people who I’ve had to cut out of my partying life because they are such a pain in the ass. Listen, I’m not above sending something back if it is poorly cooked or if there is a weird bug or hair in it (the short and curlys are particularly disturbing). However, if you are going to bitch about every little thing, I cannot for any reason be associated with you.

Another problem can be that one guy you go out with who has no idea how to be around other humans and not be a complete dick. I have found that at least 8 out of 10 groups of friends has one of these offenders.

It is much like the group of girls where one girl is either a complete drama queen or a habitual crier. I mean I can certainly understand crying once in a great while and have done so on occasion. But when one bitch cries EVERY damn time you’re out having fun…that is no bueno my friend…no bueno.

Then you have cheap bastards. They are out there. We all have them as friends…nobody likes it. Listen, I don’t really care if you don’t want to tip. It reflects poorly on you, not me.

Let me say this though, and please hear what I am telling you: Do not for one second EVER question how much money I leave a waitress or a bartender. I’m making up for your cheap-ass ways. So don’t point it out for everyone to see by questioning my generosity.

Back to the story I told at the beginning of the post. That guy was so out of line, it’s not even funny. But if you’re out with that guy, and you don’t say anything and you keep hanging out with him week after week, then you might as well have dropped that n-bomb yourself.

Douch adjacent is just one step away from a full-fledged douche, my friend.

  1. Jon says:

    Okay, while I’m laughing hysterically at the term “douche adjacent,” I laughed just as hard when I got to the end and saw this Google Ad:

    Ads by Google
    Vinegar Douche
    Learn about new ways to freshness. See what Summer’s Eve has to offer.

    It left me feeling summery fresh at the end of a post that was filled with doucheholeness!

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