Booze, Boys and Boobs: The Best of Bar Trash

Posted: May 15, 2011 by VT in Daily Ramblings

5,000 visits!

That’s right — our little blog just got its 5,000th hit. It’s been two short months since we launched our little endeavor. Thank you SO much to our subscribers and regular visitors. We’re having so much fun with this but it would be pretty pitiful without our loyal readers. We love you to pieces!!!

So for today’s post, we’re gonna take a look back.  It’s like one of those “new” TV episodes where the cast sits around and reminisces about the hilarious things that have happened in the past. And the entire show is nothing but old clips. (I remember being bitterly disappointed when this happened on Who’s The Boss.) Well, this is that episode. And I’m your Tony Danza.

First, I’d thought I’d share our most common search terms that lead unsuspecting peeps to the blog. “Bar Trash” and its variations obviously top the list. But these also rank high:

  • self-entitled little fucks (I love this one)
  • boob sharpie (who the hell searches for this? weird.)
  • viva la douche
  • douche tales
  • maverick and goose shots

I think those terms sum up the blog nicely.

Another thing I’m proud of is that we’ve coined some new phrases that have long been lacking in the English language. Following are a few of my faves, along with their definitions. How have we made it this long without these dandies?

– The cherry on the douchebaggery sundae: The pièce de douche résistance . When you think there’s no way a douche can get any douchier, they whip out their douche trump card and smack ya in the face with it. (Thanks, Server X!)

When he puked on the bar, that was the cherry on the douchebaggery sundae.

– Douche adjacent: From the divebardiva’s recent post of the same name …. it’s the friend of  a douche who accepts the douche behavior without doing anything to remedy the situation.

The douche adjacent just stood there when the guy called me Hottie McTottie and grabbed my ass.

– Cute boy bus: A term used to express that there are a larger-than-normal population of hot guys.

Oh my. Looks like this club is a stop on the cute boy bus.

And now, on to my favorite part of this recap of the history of Bar Trash. The best quotes. The ones that made me laugh out loud.

We’re lucky to have some fabulous writers and contributors linked to this blog. And we love all of ’em … 5 Dog Fabulous, Server X, Vino911, Pretty, DJ Sexxx Jellay — you guys rock the fucking casbah. And we cannot forget the divebardiva … that bitch is hilarious. So let’s jump in, shall we?

1. Psycho then proceeds to lint roll my “area” several times in a very fast St. Louis Arch pattern until I jump up and scream at him to stop.

(From “Do You Have What It Takes to be a Maverick or a Goose?”

2. Don’t be the 50+ year-old douchebag that needs to kill the crowd by hearing Pink Floyd or Bob Segar. It’s not the right time. We play the old stoner music earlier in the night, right after Lawrence Welk and right before your bedtime.

(From “DJ Douchetales”

3. Taking their drink order, the Mrs. stated she wanted a glass of our best red wine. “Surprise me,” she said. It’s a sports bar. We have two bottles, one white and one red. The surprise was that I actually found it.

(From “Jesus, We Have a Problem”

4. Those of you in the know as far as strip clubs go, understand that one can be unhappily surprised by wandering into a “topless only” strip club. In any event, Montana is full naked and full booze, just the way I like it.

(From “Tragedy in the Strip Club”

5. I clearly must be gay to be turning down an ass clown such as yourself. Well, either gay or have a shit ton of self-respect and commonsense. However, unattractive toolbox, if it makes you feel better…I am as gay as Ellen Degeneres.

(From “Two-for-Ones, Ladies Night, and Other Unsolved Mysteries”

6. You give him the verbal smack-down and then leave him by the wayside like a piece of trash waiting for the chain gang to stab his ass with one of those little pokers.

(From “It’s Not Easy Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places”

I could go on and on … but those are some of the best of the Bar Trash.

In closing, I’d like to ask for your help in perpetuating our little blog. It seems like we do a lot of begging, but we’re determined to make this into something fantastic. So if you like the blog, here’s how you can help:

  • Subscribe by entering your email at the bottom of the page.
  • Liking our FaceBook page
  • Bookmarking the site
  • Sharing the link with a friend
  • Contributing an article through Submit Your Shit above
  • Commenting and “liking” posts

Only you can help us get from 5,000 visits to 50,000.

Hope you enjoyed this little trip down drunken memory lane. Until next time, here’s wishing you all the love and liquor you can injest.

  1. Chris says:

    Congrats on the 5000 hits. That’s amazing!

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