Steroids And Alcohol…It Ain’t Pretty

Posted: May 22, 2011 by divebardiva in Common Sense ... Not So Common

Okay people, since we have already had a post called “Angst Ridden Jerk Offs,” we had to think of a new and fun title for today’s post. I have to say that I am constantly amazed by the general stupidity of people. I know, I work in a bar and it seems like I wouldn’t be surprised by the stupidity of folks.

And yet…I am.

So last night we had a fabulous party at my dive and although I worked a twelve hour shift, I was still chip as a munk and ready to get some shit done. Of course when I arrived on the scene at 3 pm, I wasn’t really prepared for the fact that I may have to kick people out right off the fucking bat.

We have this waitress that I call Snow White. I call her this because she looks like she fell out of a Disney movie. As soon as I arrive on the scene, Snow White is upset because her table is being mean to her. Apparently, the entire table was kicked out last night in a 30-person melee out on the patio. Insults were hurled followed by punches — and people got their asses kicked.

That is what happened, that is what always happens.

Now, the particular dumb-asses in this scenario are no strangers to me as I have waited on these douchebags goin on 7 years now. In fact, I’ve kicked them out of as many bars as I have worked in. Now normally this wouldn’t be a big deal. However, after years of this douchebaggery, I’m kinda fed up. In fact, I just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was ready to judo chop someone in the throat and call it a day.

First off, they all come up to me and try to relive the old days. Guess what dumbass, the old days with you sucked and reliving them is something akin to a root canal with no anesthesia. Or anal with no lube. I don’t want to do it today or any other day. And another thing, you constantly telling me that whatever you had has cleared up and you are now ready to do it. As Romeo and Juliet as you think that may be, it’s just bein an ass clown.

Now let’s address the situation of your brother who has been doing so many roids since the last time I saw him, he has aged a good 20 years. No, I will not “do him” — nor would I with someone else’s lady parts. Let me also mention that if you just keep walking around the bar flexing your saggy-assed muscles because you think it’s hot, let me clear this up for ya…it’s not!

This is a marathon, people, not a sprint. I drank all day yesterday, not that it’s that much of an accomplishment, but I was able to keep my fucking shit together and not get kicked out of the bar by 7p.m. This is not brain surgery…this is common fucking sense and you my man, are clearly lacking.

Moral of today’s story my friends: If you are prone to douchebag to begin with…steroids and alcohol are not the party mix required to change that shit up.

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