Welcome Everybody To The Wild Wild West…

Posted: May 26, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings

Okay people, this weekend is about to get all sorts of ugly so I thought I would post a little walk down memory lane. For the first 5 years that I lived in this beautiful yet godforsaken state, I worked every Memorial Day weekend at a little something that Clown Town likes to call Wild West Days.

Last year, I was more than prepared for my massive amount of weekend shifts. But fate had other ideas.

Two and a half weeks before the Wild West smackdown, I happened to be working with Pretty on our coveted ladies night. A group of my hot bitches came in and drank till the wee hours. And as is the case in hot lesbians and straighties alike…everybody wanted to see boobs.

Now I have to state, now and for the permanent record, that I have no issues with naked whatsoever. I think that I got it from all the half-naked photo shoots that I have done with one of my old partners in crime Unleashya. There are so many naked art pictures of me lurking around in peoples’ homes. And I am constantly surprised when people tell me they have one. Living in Atlanta and New York there is a huge art scene — and where there is art…there’s gonna be naked.

So who was I to deny hotties in search of ladies night boob action? At 1 a.m. on the night in question they all asked to see my boobs. And by asked I mean a loud chant to the tune of, “Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs.”

As previously mentioned, I don’t give a rats ass about who sees them. It just really isn’t a big deal people, and if you think it is…lighten the fuck up. I would not whip them out at dinner time, in front of old people with bad hearts. Or if there are any impressionable youths around. However, if it’s 1 a.m. — and I’m in a bar — I don’t see the big damn dealio.

To wrap this up, I showed and then my hotties showed, (quite a return on investment as I only have two and they had 14 between them). And then we all had a shot.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, there was a fun hater in the crowd. You know, the kind of person who can suck the fun out of any room at any time and relishes in the act of doing so? I feel quite sure we all know one of these. I’m lucky enough to know more than one.

It’s usually someone who would never show their boobs. And although I could not give a shit if you do or don’t, don’t judge those of us who do not have body issues. Listen people, I may not be the thinnest or prettiest or even the smartest, but damn it, I’m fucking fantastic. As are all of the beautiful people I call my friends.

So once again, long story short, I got fired. And after a week of severe panic, I was picked up by my current dive and could not imagine a better place to work. In all honesty I have never been happier and after 25 years of slingin drinks…I deserve it, damn it!

Last year was the first year that I did not have to work Wild West Weekend and I gotta tell ya besides missing the money…it was joyous.

The following is a list of things that I did not have to deal with:

  • Making rounds of 20 Kamis at a time because none of the other bartenders would do it
  • Watching people get so drunk that they puke before 10 p.m.
  • Having people scream my name over and over while I am running so fast that my legs actually ache
  • Seeing so many waitress tickets come up at once that you think the machine is broken
  • Watching at least a few people get their asses handed to them by security
  • Cutting the end of my finger off and NOT being able to go to the hospital
  • Literally crying after my three shifts in a row because I am old and not meant to work that hard at anything that doesn’t involve naked
The following is a list of things that I actually miss from my Wild West forays into insanity:
  • The grand in my pocket on Sunday
  • The laughter
  • Working with some of the best bartenders EVER
  • Wearing out visiting friends so bad that they have to nap in the car during night number 2 of WW shenanigans
  • Watching the Clown Town freak show
  • Endless shots of Patron
  • Working so hard that those shots aren’t even hitting you because you are sweating them out as fast as you drink ’em
  • Knowing that at the end of the weekend, I was a fucking ROCKSTAR!

That’s it, folks. My little walk down Wild West memory lane.This weekend marks the 2nd anniversary of my reprieve. I will be spending it at the Tiki Bar for a lovely summer shift and then off to see Pretty and the guest-bartending Maverick for the remainder of the evening.

Ah yes, the joy of people bringing ME drinks. And the joy of those two people being Pretty and Maverick! Have a wonderful weekend my peeps and although I will be dropping in a few times this weekend…it may be short and sweet!

All my love and liquor,

  1. biznitch says:

    i think i may have had part in the boob chant and may have took part in the return showing and of course i took part in the shot.. luv you divabardiva. hope to see you whoopin it up at some point this weekend and maybe do another boob showing shot exchange. f$@k the fun haters, the can all go to hell… i am all about the fun and going to have lots of it this weekend in clown town..

  2. Jon says:

    How is it in all of your visits to SoFla I never got a peek at your lovlies? Special showing next time we cross paths? 😉

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