I Do More After 6 a.m. – Sex, Sugar, Caffeine & Booze!

Posted: June 14, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings

Okay people, here’s what is happenin today. Finally my exile has ended! I’ve had some realizations while being sex-, caffeine-, sugar- and booze-free. Being without the afore mentioned sucks big donkey dicks.

Now, don’t get me wrong … the seven pounds I lost because I couldn’t eat has me closer to my ideal summer weight than I was nine days ago. However, I’m pretty sure that nine days on the tread-climber would have had the same result. And the tread-climber probably wouldn’t have brought soooo many people so very close to harm.

Saturday night was an odd one at the workplace. Due to the ridiculous weather here in the great white north, it was a little chilly for an outdoor band. However, the band was good so people were milling in and out for most of the daylight hours. Once it got a little later in the game, most of the customers had set up camp indoors.

I was trying my best to keep up a smile and happy-go-lucky attitude that I am known for. Well, to be honest I was just trying to keep my bitterness in check and not judo chop anyone in the throat.

Luckily for me — and everyone else — it was a strange night. The best regulars including Mav, Bossman, 62%, Ginger and #1Son were in the house and ready for fun. I closed with three of my favorite bitches which kept my bitterness down to a manageable level.

I did however learn a few things about working while I am sober.

1. I do not like it.

2. I have no desire whatsoever to dance.

3. I have a difficult time remembering where drinks are on the touch-screen

4. I can’t add drinks in my head once band prices kick in

5. I do not like it.

While there were not a lot of offenders — only two that I can think of right off the top of my head — the fact that I was sober made it so hard to tolerate. I will just give you the offender highlights, and you can decide if it was my sober dramatics or just run-of-the-mill assclown behavior.

Offender #1 – Okay, I get it that your $100 hair cut is making you feel sassy and doable, even though we’re probably the same age and you look every day of it. However, a $100 haircut is no reason to think that you are any better than anyone else in the bar. Also, announcing “Ladies first” when you’re jumping ahead of people who’ve been waiting at the bar doesn’t make you a lady. It kinda makes ya a douche.

Offender #2 – Hello, bachelor party peeps. Kudos for lasting the entire day and not puking or getting slapped. You are grown-ass men, have handled yourself as such and I applaud your efforts. However, ordering a round of 6 shots at 6 bucks a piece plus a round of drinks…every drink being different and then totally stiffing me for no reason…yeah, not cool.

It would’ve honestly been a total nightmare but I gotta tell ya…there are no better peeps than my peeps. Every single person felt so very sorry for me and my predicament that I got compliments and love and money and a little torture.

It was the best that a bad night could possibly be, and that is due to the fact that I have the best people in my life and the best fucking job in the whole wide world. Sunday started and ended with happiness. All in all, the best was made of a less-than-optimum situation.

And today the sun is shining and I am free to do ALL of the things I so love. So bring on the sex, sugar, caffeine and booze! Preferably all at once. I deserve it.

With love AND liquor,


  1. Jon says:

    So, did you fall off the no-sex bandwagon, too? That’s what loyal fans of the DBD really want to know. 😉

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