You Ask, We Answer: Unique Martinis and Passed-Out Patrons

Posted: June 20, 2011 by divebardiva in Q&A: Ask Your Bartender

Okay people, my extreme apologies for my lack of posts this week. Thankfully, we have wonderful readers who have picked up my slack by submitting their stories of horror and humor that go hand-in-hand with being a server.

I tried my level best to post a little “Ask Your Bartender” shenanigans on Friday. But alas, my Blackberry was not up to the task. One more reason why there’s an iPad in my future.

Another culprit for my posting tardiness is that this bartender has a tendency to drink a beer (or six) while mowing the lawn. And that can easily turn into an afternoon with Holla — followed by more beers, work, and still more beers. I think that my 10 sober days were completely cancelled out in one weekend. Yikes.

Well, I’m back and that’s all that matters. And it’s that time again … time for Ask Your Bartender! We have some great questions today so I’m going to try and inform you within an inch of your lives. Exciting, isn’t it?

Q: Martinis … any interesting ones?

A: Okay, first of all I have to say that I like my martinis a certain way. Drop of vermouth, a little dirty, straight up and pleeeeze don’t skimp on the Russian vodka. Now people always ask me about vodka. Miss Toxic (who has vodka in her name, for crying out loud) absolutely adores Grey Goose. But all I have to say that if you look through history, the Russians have always known their vodka. It’s in their blood.

Russians are hearty people, they’ve been through horrors and hardship that we — as spoiled Americans — can never fully understand. You know what helped them survive? That’s right peeps…it was vodka, dammit! Vodka! Vodka! Vodka! One of the best weddings I’ve ever had the pleasure of attending featured a frozen sculpture with dishes of caviar and small glasses of vodka. The divebardiva was in heaven, my friends. HEAVEN!

Now I’m gonna throw out some martinis that I have had, and loved, as well.

1. Chocolate Martini with a Dark Cocoa Rim at Angelo & Maxies steakhouse in NYC. I don’t know the exact recipe but here’s where you can order ’em:

2. Cucumber Martini had in Chicago by Vodka Toxic which in her words was deeelish. She’s been raving about this one for a while. Here’s the recipe if you’d like to give it a whirl:

  • 2 oz. vodka
  • 1/4 oz. lemon juice
  • 2 slices cucumber
  • 3 pieces mint
  • 1/2 oz. sugar syrup 

Muddle (that’s fancy bartender talk for smush the hell out of it) mint and a cucumber slice in a cocktail shaker. Add other ingredients and ice. Shake and strain into a chilled martini glass, and garnish with a slice of cucumber and fresh mint.

3. Caipirinhi Martini with Cachasa – I had the real deal in a bar in Miami and can’t wait to make the martini version this summer! If you like mojitos, this is the perfect upgrade. Again, just for you darling drunkards, I have the recipe:

  • 2 teaspoons brown sugar
  • 1 lime cut into wedges
  • 2 Oz Cachasa
  • Juice of half a lime
  • 1 Oz Rose’s Lime Juice

Muddle/smush the limes and sugar. Add the cachasa, fresh lime juice and Rose’s Lime Juice. Shake with ice and strain into a chilled martini glass.

Now, this drink can be made with vodka instead of cachasa. But then the drink isn’t a caipirinhi; it’s a caipiroshka.

4. Mango Martini — This is my little bit of love…again with the healthy dose of Russian vodka, one drop of vermouth, and mango puree with a turbinado sugar rim. Yum in a glass, my friends.

Q: What’s better: Tap or bottle beer?

A: This is a good question, but also one that doesn’t have a specific answer. I’ve never been a fan of tap because many bars have very long lines to the kegs or don’t feel the need to keep up the needed maintenance and regular cleaning of those lines.

Bacteria is not your friend…trust me on this one. Headaches and bad guts the day following a draft beer extravaganza is quite the norm. However, if you frequent a place who have their lines cleaned regularly — dive or no — draft beer is a reasonably priced alternative to bottle. Most bars have specialty beers on tap, as well. So if you’re into trying new things, it’s a good way to roll.

Q: What do you do with customers who pass out?

A: It’s funny that you ask this question because I used to feel differently about it than I do now. Back in the day, if someone passed out, we usually just threw them right out the door. I mean, sometimes you didn’t even try to wake them up…just chuck them out on their asses.

These days, however, I have quite a few customers who occasionally pass out at the bar. Depending on their behavior leading up to the “nappie,” we usually just let them sleep. Sometimes we transport them to a vehicle and let them sleep it off. Sometimes we point, laugh and take pictures.

So that’s it for today, folks. Again, my huge apologies for lack of posts, but please know that I’m back on the horse and ready to ride (but never bareback … rest assured I always wear protection when I post). 😉

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