Name Dropping: Bars with Silly, Raunchy or Just Plain Perplexing Monikers

Posted: June 26, 2011 by VT in Daily Ramblings

What’s in a name? A lot, actually. Just ask Apple or Moses in a few years.

Names are really important … especially when it comes to businesses like bars. They’re the first impression; they give patrons an inkling of what the night might hold. Will it be frequented by Wall Street-types or does it have a more eclectic clientel? Is it fancy with a velvet rope or a dive with a dart board?

The right name can give you a clue. For instance, if you’re heading someplace like Sister Louisa’s Church of the Living Room and Ping Pong Emporium — a real bar in Atlanta where a friend of the divebardiva slings drinks – you can probably guess you’re in for an eclectic outing with liberal patrons.

Ummm … What?

Now some of my favorite bar names are the mysterious ones that sound like you’re someplace else.

“Where the hell were you last night?”

“Who me? I was at the Library.”

Or

“What’s on the agenda for this weekend?”

“Group Therapy.”

Or

“Dude, where’s the happy hour at?”

“Rehab.”

The Library is a bar in Los Angeles. Group Therapy is in Columbia, South Carolina. And there are a few Rehabs, one being in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.

Another I like is Your Mother’s in Mount Clemens, Michigan.

“Where ya heading, buddy?”

“Your Mother’s.”

But the best one in this genre has to be He’s Not Here in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. I’d love to answer phones at that watering hole.

“Hello, He’s Not Here.”

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

You may have heard of Whiskey Dick’s Saloon or Tricky Dick’s Pub. But there are other dives that use sexual innuendos to lure and titillate patrons.

There’s Big Dick’s Halfway Inn in Lake of Ozarks, Missouri. And there used to be a dive bar in Tucson, Arizona called Big Harry Juan’s. Or how bout a visit to Ragged Ass Saloon in Saint James City, Florida?

There are several Thirsty Beavers in the United States. San Marcos, Texas, Elysian, Minnesota, and Charlotte, North Carolina are just a few of the places you can find these parched pelts.

But these sexually charged bars aren’t limited to the United States. Bung Hole is a London pub. I think we should all get hammered there! And the next time you’re in Madrid, you might want to check out Bar Cock. Unless, of course, it’s too hard to get in. 😉

The Gays Take the Cake

Gay bars win the award for great names. In South Florida alone, we have:

  • The Cubby Hole
  • Ramrod
  • Georgie’s Alibi
  • Bill’s Filling Station

The Chute is located in Texarkana, Arkansas. (Gay people live there?!!?) And in Chicago, there’s the Manhole. Quite possibly the most awesomest bar name of all time.

And in San Fran, there’s a lovely 24-hour gay bar called The End Up. Talk about double entendre.

Coincidentally, one of my best friends, DJ, is visiting San Francisco right now. He texted me last night at 3 a.m. that he was at The End Up. On Crutches. You see, he had an accident recently and tore up his knee. BAD. Now how he maneuvered through that cramped dance bar on crutches is beyond me and a testament to his partying fortitude.

Sidenote: That reminds me of a great story and another example of DJ’s intoxication determination. Before I wrap up this post, let me share: I was visiting San Fran and hooked up with DJ. After partying all night, we stumbled into The End Up. Now my flight was at 9 a.m. so I had to be back at the hotel at 7 to throw my shit in a suitcase. DJ accompanied me back to the hotel to collect his luggage and say goodbye.

Now DJ’s flight was at noon. He had nothing to do until his plane left soooo … he went back to The End Up, checked his suitcases INTO THE COAT CHECK and partied two more hours until 10 a.m. when he hopped a cab to the aero puerto. Now that, my friends, is what being a professional is all about.

The above is just a sampling of bars with great names. I know there are a lot more cleverly named bars around this great nation of ours. If you see one, please share! Reply to this post or click on Submit Your Shit above, and let your freak flag fly.

Grow old disgracefully,
Vodka Toxic

Comments
  1. divebardiva says:

    The bar next to the Hog Pit’s old locale was called Hellfire on some nights and The Manhole on the others…both funny 🙂

  2. Jon says:

    I can see the t-shirt now: “I got hammered in The Bunghole!”

  3. Jon says:

    Make that: “I got hammered in the Bung Hole!”

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