Poachers And Etiquette

Posted: July 15, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings

Okay people, here’s how things are shaping up today. I almost posted at 3 a.m. due to the fact I was so irritated by last night’s events … but I was just too damn tired to get it done. I’m fairly sure that when I win the lotto I will need a stenographer to follow me around and write down my shit as it pops into my crazy little head.

So last night, I worked for one of my favorite girls so she could be a nerd and go see Harry Potter with the Iron Panda. The night went off without a hitch and some of my faves stopped by and showed the love by making me laugh and the usual smart talk and general merriment. The Ginger Ninja was commanding the Bus of Love and driving a huge bachelorette party from bar to bar. The plan was to eventually end at our little piece of heaven.

However, things got a little waylaid and the ladies stayed at one bar a longer than planned. And by the time they were gonna roll over to me, I had one lonely customer and the bar was not so bachelorette friendly. The girls decided to stay at the Alley of the Bowl — as they had a DJ and there were plenty of boys to fawn over them. After I closed, I headed over to the same spot to see one of my very favorite people, Pretty, and have a couple of fine adult beverages for myself.

This is, unfortunately, where I encountered the Poacher. Now I get it that 21 year old girls can be a little insecure. Maybe you aren’t as thin or as attractive as you want to be. Or maybe you’re just an asshole and can’t figure out a way to change that.

Lets face it people: You can exercise, lose weight, cut your hair, change your make-up and buy a whole new wardrobe. But you cannot change asshole if you keep on keepin on with your lackluster behavior and dick-head shenanigans. So, just in case you are unaware of your role in this Skank-o-Roman production, let me break it all down for ya.

  1. When two people are talking and enjoying an adult beverage, this is not an indicator for you to wedge yourself in the middle with your back to me and start your own conversation.
  2. Keeping your back to me and interrupting my conversation says two things: You are an attention whore, and you are not smart enough to realize I could easily cuff you in the back of the head.
  3. When I am then talking to someone else, you running up and spinning them around to hug them and screaming like a howler monkey just makes you look like an idiot.
  4. And finally, you attempting to give everyone rides at night’s end — you know, those same girls whose men you’ve been rubbin your junk on every time I see you — and thinking this makes you a nice person is just sad.

You my friend are a poacher. Sadly you are the worst kind of poacher … the one who wants all of the people her friends have. You are rude and have absolutely no bar etiquette. And for that I have no tolerance.

  • I hope someone tells you that your behavior is not only less-than-stellar but downright bitchy.
  • I hope someone tells you that constantly needing all the attention in the room doesn’t make you cool, it makes you look sad.
  • I hope someone tells you that if you work in a bar, you don’t turn your back on a bartender. We don’t like it, and it’s fucking rude.

You are a decent looking girl who probably has a lot of potential if you stop acting like such a douche. I hope someone who cares about you tells you that. Because believe me, you do not want to hear it from me.

So that is it for the rainy Friday my friends. Catch up with us later this weekend for your favorite and mine…”Ask Your Bartender.”

With love and liquor,

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