Fun Bunny, the Jackass & the Know-It-All Waitress

Posted: July 22, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings, Viva La Douche

Okay people, here’s what the hamster is runnin in the wheel today: Yesterday, I stopped by to see one of my favorite bartenders in the world…Fun Bunny. She seemed a bit out of sorts and — as we bartenders have a tendency to do — she stopped by to take my order and give me the 4-1-1 on the day’s events. It seems that during lunch that fine afternoon, she received her first complaint in three — count ’em — three years.

The beginning and end of it all was that four tables sat down all at once. Although Fun Bunny got to the tables in record time, one customer still was not happy with his preconceived notion on how long he should have to wait.

Now, I certainly understand that sometimes all you have for lunch is an hour. And if you don’t order quickly, getting back to the office on time may be difficult. However, if you are a grown-ass man, you should be aware that if you go to a restaurant between noon and 1 p.m., you may have to wait a few minutes. It’s the busiest hour of the afternoon, and that’s when the majority of people eat. It even has a name — it’s called the lunch rush, asswipe.

Now, for a little background on Fun Bunny. She is, in a word, AMAZING! We met when myself and the Drunken Whores were out for a nice “ladies’ lunch.” I seriously don’t know why we continue to call it that since nary a one of us is ladylike and we rarely eat … but I digress. Back to Fun Bunny — we were discussing a book I’m writing, and she seemed quite interested and started up a dialogue of smart talk and good humor.

I was instantly in love. She is pretty and smiles almost constantly. She remembers what I drink and eat. She is always on top of my low-beer situation like a duck on a junebug. And did I mention she’s smart and funny? Those of you in the know realize that I am damn choosy about my bartenders — sometimes almost annoyingly so. Suffice it to say, Fun Bunny fuckin rocks! End of story.

So, I get it that Corporate Jackass had a Bic pen up his butt because he got passed over for yet another promotion. Or even more likely, he isn’t getting any at home because his wife has no desire to boink his fat ass. But seriously dude, don’t take it out on Fun Bunny. And you stomping over to the manager and announcing her tip will be reflected in how long you had to wait just makes you look like a whiny bitch. It’s also a huge red flag that you’re a stingy tipper to begin with.

Sadly this was not all Fun Bunny had to deal with on this particular day. I found it annoying that one of the waitresses kept making excuses to go behind the bar, and she was constantly asking Fun Bunny’s tables if they needed anything. I can always tell the difference between “I’m being helpful” and “I’m trying to make it look like you can’t handle your shit.” Case in point — When Fun Bunny was in the kitchen getting a food order for a table, Miss Know It All rushed over and took an order from a table in Fun Bunny’s station. She then announced to the manager that Fun Bunny was overwhelmed.

Listen Ms. Know It All, my Fun Bunny is a professional far above and beyond what you will ever be. She doesn’t get overwhelmed — and certainly not with three tables and two dudes at the bar. You’re being an unhelpful, table-stealing bitch. And honestly, if you want to be a bartender then learn how to bartend and stop walking behind the bar for no reason. And instead of stealing Fun Bunny’s tables while she’s in the kitchen running food (on top of making all the waitress’ drinks), how about actually being helpful and taking the food out — instead of being a back-stabbing bitch?

So, at the end of the day, here’s the moral of this story: If you work with a hard-working, experienced bartender who everyone loves, back stabbing her ass really isn’t going to get you anywhere. In fact, it just makes you look as if you aren’t very bright — which I have a sneaky suspicion you aren’t.

As a bartender, I have to say that having a kick-ass waitress whose a team player and goes above and beyond is indispensable. People who act like they know everything at the ripe old age of 20 are just annoying and probably aren’t gonna last that long.

When I was training back in the day, I respected the more-tenured bartenders. I learned so much — and not just if you drink vodka&coke no one can smell it on you. I learned how to deal with difficult drunks, count the register after downing multiple shots and many other important items. So perhaps you should stop back stabbing the people who could teach you a thing or two. Or just keep bein an ass…it’s up to you.

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  1. You, Divebardiva, are a sexy bitch! And witty to boot. Keep up the good posts-and thanks! That’s all I got.
    Signed, Not So Gruff Anymore

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