You Ask, We Answer: Tasty Tailgating and Bar Tricks Gone Wrong

Posted: September 9, 2011 by divebardiva in Q&A: Ask Your Bartender

Okay people, here’s how things are shaping up today. As you may know, I’ve been left to my own devices and void of responsibility for the last few weeks — as is always the case at summer’s end. I realize the posts have been few and far between, and I’m grateful to all who contributed in my absence. However, sometimes a girl has just gotta get her drink on and cannot be bothered with coherent, let alone witty banter following said “drink on.”

But I’m back, bitches! And today, we’re back to our old Friday plans. It’s my favorite segment (because I’m a lazy ass): Ask Your Bartender!

Let’s get to it then, shall we?

Q: If you could only drink one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

A: Yikes. Are you fuckin kidding me? This may be the hardest question the divebardiva has EVER had to answer. I kinda wanna be the James Kirk and change the game so I can somehow have my way in an otherwise impossible situation. (And yes, I did just totally use a dorky Star Trek reference.) This one is tough.

I can’t imagine my life without beer. So many good foods and good times are directly associated with beer. I love red wine but would hardly drink it at a tailgate party, baseball game or hot summer day. On the other hand, when I am totally stressed out and my life has taken a catastrophic turn, it is a vodka martini that makes everything okay.

And I certainly don’t know what my Sundays or holidays would be like with no mimosas to turn my hangover frown upside down. And tequila … well you all know my love for tequila. There’s nothing like it to kick your ass into high gear. And lastly, wine — sweet nectar of the Gods — there is nothing better with a fine meal or just some bread with rosemary and olive oil and a good cheese.

Okay, clearly folks, I could never pick just one. I didn’t even mention that every time I go on vacation I make two pina coladas…one for each hand. Choosing just one libation can’t be done…at least not by me.

Q: Tailgating season is kicking off in full force, any ideas for cocktails and such?

A: I personally think beer and tailgating go hand in hand. No need to get fancy. However, I do like themed tailgating as well. The Bossman has a great recipe for beer margaritas which go really well with tailgate fajitas. I also like a chelada which is just beer on ice with limes and a bit of salt.

Closer to the winter months, warm drinks work well in the elements — especially if you’re from the great white north like I am. I like a mixture of equal parts Smirnoff, Bailey’s, Kahula, and Frangelico with coffee and a touch of cream. If you get jonsey after too many coffees, then you can sub hot water with honey and make it a hot toddy.

But my personal belief on tailgating is beer for drankin and nips of booze for warmth. It’s worked for me since high school, and you know what they say…If it ain’t broke…

Q: I have heard that you blow fire while you are working. Have you ever seen any stupid bar tricks or tricks gone wrong?

A: Well, there are several ways that I have seen the fire trick go awry. First of all, if two people are standing too close to each other, the fire will hit in the middle and come back toward the fire blowers at a rapid pace. This results in singed eyebrows, bangs and eyelashes.

If you attempt to start a ring of fire on the bar and the ceiling fans are on high, the fire will come directly back toward your face. When this happened to me, I ducked fast like a bunny and it went right over my head. And here are some additional small pointers when blowing fire:

  • Avoid hairspray, glitter, nail polish and anything with a cute sparkly scarf that you got for 2 bucks at goodwill because those things ignite like a bastard.
  • If your hand will not go out after using it as a match, do not shake it rapidly but put it out in the dish sink instead.

Now the most idiotic trick that I have seen in person was, oddly enough, at a holiday party that Vodka Toxic and I were throwing. One of our friends brought a guest. He seemed like a normal person; he even brought homemade beeswax candles as a hostess gift. Thoughtful, right? He also brought his tarot cards … kinda cool as I am open minded to such things.

However, as the night progressed, he seemed a little off kilter. And at some point, he decided to show us how he could eat glass. Again, I’m totally open minded to these things as some people find it odd that I blow fire. But I did NOT appreciate that he chose my favorite glass to eat. (Don’t judge because you know you have one.) He just grabbed it and started chewing. To top it off, he clearly had no idea how to actually eat glass as he was bleeding like a stuck pig all over my fucking kitchen to everyone’s horror. Might have been cool at a Halloween party but it was completely disturbing at our Christmas soiree.

So that is it for today people. It may not be pretty, but it’s my life and I gotta live it.

With love and liquor,

divebardiva

Comments
  1. VT says:

    First of all, I love that dorky Star Trek reference. And I totally got it.

    I remember how upset you got because that random dude ate your favorite glass. You were so pissed! But you didn’t mention how you called him a cab. And as he was walking out, you said, “When you start eating the glassware, it’s time for you to leave.”

    🙂

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