Double Your Bar Trash Pleasure: Two Douche Tales And Two Tempting Concoctions

Posted: September 11, 2011 by VT in Daily Ramblings

These gems are from one of our most hilarious contributors, O’Jaded One.

Dear Lady at table 24,

It is not my fault that you look like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, and it is not my fault that the blush wine you ordered is not on our Happy Hour menu.  It is also not my fault that you are stupid… So, do NOT scream at me in the middle of the dining room because YOU can’t read.  If the $4 is really that important to you, perhaps you and your fat ASS shouldn’t have ordered the tiramisu AND the lava cake… Who the hell orders two desserts? Bitch.

Hugs and Kisses,
O’Jaded One

Dear DoucheNozzle at table 46,

It is not my coworkers fault that you have a small dick.  She is an EXCELLENT server and was much more patient than I ever would have been with your snarky comments.  How dare you treat anyone that way.

And please tell your friend that I apologize that I do not have teleportation powers and had to walk to get more toilet paper for the bathroom. But that does not give him the right to scoff at me, go back to the table and get his linen napkin to use to wipe his ass.  If you want to act like this in public, go to White Castle.

Just so you know, we made a voodoo model of your vehicle and smashed it into the side of a brick wall.

Lots O’ Love,
O’Jaded One

And on another note …

We’ve gotten some feedback from the dbd’s recent tailgating Q&A. So here are the recipes for the drinks she recommended. Both go great with tailgating fajitas or nachos in front of the tube.

The Chelada

  • Coarse salt
  • Ice
  • Juice from one large lime
  • One 12 ounce bottle light lager (not light beer, just light color)
  • Lime wedge for garnish
Salt the rim of a large, tall glass.  Fill with ice and add the lime juice.  Top up with the beer.  Garnish with the lime wedge.

Beer Margarita

  • 1 (12 fluid ounce) can frozen limeade concentrate
  • 12 fluid ounces tequila
  • 12 fluid ounces water
  • 12 fluid ounces beer
  • 1 lime, cut into wedges

Pour limeade, tequila, water and beer into a large pitcher. Stir until well-blended and limeade has melted. Add plenty of ice and garnish with lime wedges. Adjust with more water if needed.

That’s it for today!

Grow old disgracefully,
Vodka Toxic

  1. divebardiva says:

    This may be a repeat but my cuz is one of the funniest bitches on the planet. And thank you for the recipes that I was clearly too damn lazy to post!

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