Don’t Be Hatin…Or I Might Be Stabbin…

Posted: October 11, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings

Okay people, here’s what the fuck is goin on today. For the past few weeks, nothing tremendous in the form of douchery has been happenin in my little slice of heaven. Weekends have gone by literally without incident … to the point where I started to worry that everyone had boarded the Prozac train. I was destined to have to find a town where some ass monkeys could still be found. You know, just so I could point and laugh.

However, once again the person who coined the phrase, “Be careful what you ask for…” is a freakin genius. As soon as I wanted some ass monkeys, there they were. Now I know we have discussed that ass monkeys — like douchbags — come in all shapes, colors and genders. I choose to hate on the basis of asshole. And I mean hate, people. This isn’t a touchy-feely lesson for the kiddos. I hate fucking assholes. Period and end of discussion.

I do understand that I’ve had the benefit of travelling the world and being exposed to many religions, cultures — and even some underground freaky-ass shit. So I have a bit more of an extensive pool to choose from. Many people I know are from small towns. And sometimes, small towns breed small minds.

However, I’m not one to give someone a break because they are too lazy to make up their own mind about shit (and basically just go along with whatever dumbass opinion is being spouted at the time). But that’s just me.

So, this Saturday was kind of a tough one for me as I spent part of my day at the cemetery for a birthday of a  loved one. I went into work after having some prework cocktails and was dealing with things quite well. I hung out with friends, had some laughs and toasted those who have gone before us. There was a lot of action at my little dive, and we were nicely busy. And many of my beloved regulars were there drinking their faces off like good boys and girls.

I know in previous posts we have discussed my Feisty Hot Lesbians, and they were in rare form. They were making me laugh my ass off. For whatever reason, as the night progressed, someone decided to be hateful to them. All I can say in this particular situation is…

Homey Don’t Fuckin Play That!

Well the one of my FHL we like to call Princess — ask anyone, she looks like a little fairy princess. She is usually the one who bitches at me about getting in a good mood and kicks me in the pants to make sure it happens. But seriously she looks like a frickin princess.

Well she was bound and determined to kick someone’s ass and ya know what? I would have let her.

Here’s the deal, fuckers. If ya don’t wanna be a lesbian, then don’t go down on chicks if you in fact are a chick. If you don’t wanna be gay, then don’t hook up with dudes if you yourself are a dude.

It’s that simple, people. Otherwise shut the fuck up, and drink your damn cocktail. Because once again, the rest of us are just here to have a good time.

So that is my rant for the day…I left out the fact that I am constantly pissed at the tooth whitening commercials where every bitch in there glows in the dark cause her teeth are so white. “Oh, only two hours to Vegas…how will my teeth ever be white by then?” How bitch? Really? Ya practically put my eye out with the glow of those bastards already.

With love and liquor,


PS…Stay tuned next week when I take the show on the road down to Sneaky Petes in Minneapolis. Never been but can’t wait cause I heard they have a stripper pole and my girl Shanghai Surprise has been known to work a shift or two there. Also, I will again be promising hookers and booze in the afterlife if you get your friends to sign up for the blog…two more peeps got on board last week so that incentive plan seems to be working.

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