I Love Me Some Drag Queens…No Really, It’s A Sickness!

Posted: December 18, 2011 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings

Okay bitches…here is what the hell is going on today: We are back from our whirlwind tour of Florida! And although I doubt anyone’s liver has even come close to recovering since we aren’t quitters, our shenanigans and the blog must keep on keepin on.

However, since my birthday trip — and then actual birthday — took about a week out of my life (and I’m fairly sure at least a month OFF of it) the scandalous tales had to wait until today.

Whist in Key West with 10 of my most fabulous friends — including several people oft mentioned in our little tales of drunkenness — we had occasion to have more than a few memorable quotes. So what I thought we would do is list a few here for you today to give you an idea of the level of blissful intoxication that was achieved. (One of our favorites is the title of this post.)

But first, a special shout-out to Server X for so loyally keeping up with the quote napkin. Without her diligence, we probably wouldn’t have remembered any of these.

Quotes: Key West 2011

  • Homorita to strange man: “Bitch, Please!”
  • Biker Ken (while admiring the baubles on the Britch’s necklace): “Can I touch your balls?”
    Britch: “Can I touch your balls?”
  • Lady Irish: “That bird should be Bitch #7!”
  • divebardiva: “Seriously guys! Where did I take my clothes off!”
  • divebardiva: “I have as many balls on my neck as I would like today.”
  • G: “Good thing I wore my good panties tonight.”
  • divebardiva: “I am in love with you. I’m totally shit hammered, but I’m fucking in love with you.”
  • Shiny Bitch: “I am drinking myself single and dancing with a homo!”
  • Deja (one of the drag queens we met whose picture was on the bar stool) to Vodka Toxic: “You’re sitting on my face!”
    Vodka Toxic humps the bar stool and replies: “So I am.”
  • Lady Irish: “Wait! Irish is naked!”
    Divebardiva: “So?”
    Lady Irish: “And so am I. Wait, did you just grab my boob?”
    divebardiva: “Yep”
  • Irish: “Does that guy have a bird on his head or is it a Mohawk? Oh wait, it’s a female.”
  • A couple of our party peeps chose 4 Loko as the beverage of choice for the car ride. When divbardiva asked Irish what kind they got, Irish replied: “I got the lemonade, and Homorita got one that matches his outfit.”
  • divebardiva: “We got drunk, fell down, and the butterflies just never happened.”
  • Goldie: “Divebardiva, you are allotted 10 goldfish a day…. DIVEBARDIVA, GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OUT OF THE GOLDFISH!”
  • Shiny Bitch: “How drunk am I? I totally thought that fire hydrant was a midget.”
  • Server X: “You know, he just doesn’t look right without the boobs.”
  • Vodka Toxic: (Singing) “I’m cougarlicious, my body’s not vicious. I be at Taco Bell eating nachos with my bitches.”
  • divebardiva: “You can use my tooth-brush, I just found it in my suitcase but I blew it off so it should be good.”
  • Vodka Toxic: “Here’s the one lonely dollar the drag queens didn’t get.”
  • Vodka Toxic: “You sat on my lil’ chub!”
  • Server X: “Now I remember why my purse smells like tequila.”
  • Vodka Toxic: “This is not cougar lighting.”
  • Goldie: “If they used hand sanitizer, it’s on!”
  • Server X: “I had the perfect underwear for this bar.”
  • Homorita: “I’m sexy and I blow ‘em!”
  • Vodka Toxic: “I forgot how much I love Irish … but only when I’m drinking.”
  • Vodka Toxic: “The scooter ride of shame.”
  • Shiny Bitch: “Awww look, now divebardiva is the retarded sidekick.”
  • Vodka Toxic: “Vacuum seal that bitter shit!”
  • Homorita: “I woke in between two straight guys, wearing nothing but my gay little undies. It’s like they were my bodyguards.”
  • divebardiva: “OH NO! You are the one who wanted to experience new things. You have to put the money in her G-string.”
  • Server X: “That wiggle song is an awful song to play in a clothing-optional bar, especially with so many lacking males to actually do the dance.”
  • divebardiva: “When I’m having a nervous breakdown, she’ll give me a hug, kiss, and a good kidney punch to get my ass back in gear.”
  • Homorita: “I love this 80’s boat. I feel like a golden girl”
  • divebardiva: “I was going to pee over the side of the boat but the old neighbor lady was out there with her pom-pom dog.”

And last but not least…a conversation between me and my bff Vodka Toxic at a stop on the way home from Key West.

Vodka Toxic: “So you know I’ve always thought you were a rock star, right?”

divebardiva: “Yeah, sure.”

Vodka Toxic: “Well, last night when you were dancing with that chick without nipples and her naked, porn-star husband and then later at the gay bar when that drag queen taught you the Thriller dance, I realized you may be the coolest person EVER!”

So that’s it for today folks. For our totally loyal readers, go ahead and choose a quote that you like and I may be so inclined to tell you ALLLLL about it. But be careful what you ask for, folks.

With love and all the liquor you can ingest,


  1. Mr. Parx says:

    I vote for the “goldfish”, and “vacuum seal that bitter shit”. Tell those stories.

  2. irish says:

    nice . and your right we are not quitters, we just got back from yet another 4hr drive, for my sisters birth-mus party …and looking forward, christmas and new years with the whole family, this is going to be the december to remember!

  3. Tater Paul says:

    i also vote for the vacuum seal story and the porn-porn dog

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