General Rambling … Just Cause I’m Pissed

Posted: December 29, 2012 by divebardiva in Daily Ramblings

Okay people, my good friend El Ninyo scolded me like a child the last time she was in the bar and was able to pull me out of my Bar Trash funk. You see, I have had a lot of people recently who have seriously shaken my faith in humanity. Now don’t get me wrong: It was not a huge amount of faith to begin with. So the fact that people could actually eradicate it is really saying something.

However, El Ninyo was having none of it. Her reasoning … Bar Trash made her laugh and that I should get the hell over it and start writin! (I’m pretty sure “bitch” followed but not positive so I shall leave it out.)

As it has been so long since I have written anything of substance I figured the best course of action was a random “Dear Table of 18” rant. So my fine peeps, you may want to hang on to something, I have a feeling it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. 🙂

Dear Table of 18,

When you came in, I realized that I would rather kill myself than wait on you. Luckily for me, I was managing that night. I asked one of my girls if she was ready for the shenanigans that was headed her way, and she happily agreed to wait on your dumb asses.

The following is a list of your mistakes:

1. You come in on a Friday during happy hour with a table of 18 wanting to sit on the patio but not bothering to call first.

2. When your food comes out lickety split, you immediately voice that your food is cold and you will be requiring a discount.

3. I inform you that I can either remake your food or take it away and remove it from your tab but there will be no discount.

4. You then tell me that you have waited two hours for your food, and you are hungry.

5. I inform you that you arrived a half hour after my shift started and that I have only been here for an hour and thirty minutes.

6. Then the bitch factor jumps up a few notches. Unbeknownst to you, however, I am rarely rivaled in ALL things bitch!

7. The end of this tale is lovely, insomuch as although I comped two meals, you people are never allowed to return.

8. You, pretty little idiot girl, wanted a discount but ate your food anyway. And when I was so sick of the sound of your voice, I  offered you a comp but insisted you never return or take your leftovers. And what did you do? You fucking cried! Seriously bitch, are you crying about what an unbelievable asshole you are? This is your move? Stupidity runs rampant because if your food was cold and horrible enough to discount then why on earth would you take the leftovers dumbass?

9. And you, unattractive and pissed off. You can yell all you want. But the simple fact is I am right and you are wrong. You are an idiot and a pain in the ass. You go places to try and get free shit and are a scourge on employees and bar owners alike. Oh and P.S. If you are going to call me a bitch and throw a pen at my face, don’t discount my cat-like reflexes and keep in mind that I have been known to stab a bitch.

10. After your fantastic departure, I was congratulated by other tables and apologized to by people in your own party. Apparently your family is also painfully aware of your asshole status.

So that’s it for today, peeps. I am back on the horse and the stories are flowing out of me like beer through a funnel. Stay tuned for Port Paradise and New Orleans shenanigans!

With love and liquor,


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