Eating Etouffee and Blowing Fire at The Alpine in N’awlins

Posted: February 24, 2011 by divebardiva in Best Dive Bars: Trust Me ... I'm a Professional

Okay people, one day during my annual traveling birthday weekend (which happened to be in New Orleans that particular year) me and my bitches happened by this little bar called The Alpine. It was an unseasonably cold and very rainy weekend in New Orleans, and the board outside boasted of a peppermint martini. Several of the girls I was with thought that this particular drink…following mimosas at brunch…sounded like heaven.

I looked in to see the cutest bespectacled girl behind the bar wearing a dress and a little knit hat. She had a “I am the sweetest little thing in the world but if you are a douche, I will kick your ass” kind of look about her. I, of course, love this look and sport it myself on a helluva lot of occasions.

Our bartenders name was Hannah…we of course decided it needed to be Hannah Louisiana. She made peppermint martinis with the skill of an old pro even though I am pretty sure I was old enough to have given birth to her. We loved her instantly and as such, we loved The Alpine. A bit of drinking and from what I can remember some manicures happened that afternoon and although we eventually took our leave, we returned several hours later.

In the course of our drunken reverie, we obviously mentioned that it was my birthday and apparently that I knew how to blow fire. We decided that since Hannah was pulling a double we would return to have dinner with her.

We were met with an absolutely sublime dinner, where we were allowed to sit at the bar and share plates, loving every dish that each of us ordered. There were five of us, and each meal was better than the last. All not only cooked with soul, but also the technical skill that New Orleans is famous for. I myself had crawfish etouffee’ which is a personal must-have while in Louisiana. It was so wonderful it almost hurt.

As we approached our departure time, I was allowed to blow fire which brought cheers from the customers including a mother and daughter from Holland who moved from their seats so I could do the trick. The manager whose name escapes me (but was a beautiful girl with a fleur de lis necklace and a great butt) and one of the owners brought me the most amazing Kahlua Cheesecake and sang to me like I had been going there every day for the last decade.

I cannot express enough how much we all loved this place. Hannah was instrumental in finding us a few great hot spots including a bar with the sexiest bar crew on record…clearly there will be more on that bar…and it’s wonderful bartenders…later.

Now I have to say at this point that I have been to New Orleans quite a few times, I have never, not once, had a bad time there. Once Katrina hit I had wanted so much to return but never seemed to be able to make it happen. I was so happy to go back and experience new things and was even able to find a little place we had visited 10 years prior called the Biscuit Palace and we stayed with Clayton and his lovely wife for the duration, loving life even though it was the worst rain since the early 1900’s.

I think that this explains New Orleans in vivid detail…no matter the weather or the surroundings or the time of year…a beautiful place with beautiful people cannot help but shine.

As a professional I cannot recommend The Alpine or Hannah enough.

Please visit and tip well…cause if you don’t you know I will find your ass!

  1. kimber143 says:

    Ahhhhh The Alpine. What a fabulous find. We spent four hours there in the afternoon, left for two and came back for three more. Where else will the owners ask patrons to please move out of the way so a customer can blow fire? Twice. And all the customers were more than happy to oblige.

    I second DBD’s recommendation of this spot and her love for Hannah Louisiana. And this hangout is very centrally located. Definitely worth a visit on your next trip to the Big Easy!

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